'Ballon d'W***e winner and best female squirter' Astrid Wett switches allegiance to Real Madrid

Adult content creator, boxer, and Chelsea fan Astrid Wett... wait, the latter is no longer true.

Astrid has switched her allegiance to Real Madrid, at least for the time being. Announcing her decision, she said she wants to follow in the footsteps on Eden Hazard and Antonio Rudiger (where's Courtois though?), adding that she only 'moves' to Madrid on loan.

"I know Madrid goes for the best talent, so they have signed the Ballon d'Whore winner and the best female squirter of all time," said Wett.

Though the Blues no longer give Astrid satisfaction (understandably), nor does her new club. She vented her frustration at Real Madrid only drawing against Man City in the Champions League — so who knows if her 'loan' ends prematurely.

Poch's reaction as Mudryk aims for Astrid Wett in the stands despite net gaping open - caught on tape